


Bucket list

by spottyflake



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 18:43:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1438849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spottyflake/pseuds/spottyflake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What was the last thing you wanted to do?"</p><p>The titans have been defeated, and the last one is soon to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucket list

I was in the nurse’s tent, on my last leg of life. People had already been to see me, as one could probably guess from the piles of flowers that sat in jugs and vases by my bedside. Mikasa, Armin all of the other trainees and even some superiors had come around to see me. 

But not Levi Heichou. 

And now, all there was left to do was wait for me to die.

We’d won the war against the titans be turning them human with the antidote I’d found in my basement in Shiganshina. 

As it turned out, my ancestors had been the case of the titans in the first place. 

People resented my existence. They were glad that I was dying, even though I’d saved them all. Well, Pa had. But I’d been the one entrusted with the key and the antidote. Even so, I was not seen as a hero. But I didn’t care, I was just glad that it was finally over. 

After the war there’d been a population increase, but not the way you’d expect. All the ex-titans now lived amongst humans, locked up in cells to ensure they didn’t change, as they had done with me, but they never did.

Technically speaking, I was the last titan. The only one who hadn’t taken the antidote in case of trouble with titans that we hadn’t been aware of beyond the walls. People were still too afraid to tear down the walls and I’d screamed about it many times to any one who would listen. 

Not that it mattered. I was just glad that people would eventually get out of this cage that we lived in like livestock, even if it had cost me my life from changing one too many times.

I’d been in this state for weeks. Drifting in and out of sleep. Saying hello to old friends that told me what was happening, giving me foods with spices that they’d found outside the walls. They were so happy, smiling at me with adventure in their eyes, freedom taking wing with them. I really wanted to go with them, but I was far too weak that I couldn’t even walk.

I stared up at the ceiling of the tent, the light green fabric swaying in the light summer breeze that swept past my face as someone entered, pulling the fabricated door to the side as they stepped in. I continued to stare up, my eyes weary and threatening to send me to sleep again. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me, brat. I managed to get permission to let you talk a stroll outside with me just now. I sort of need you to be awake for that otherwise I’ll be bored out of my mind and talking to myself.” Levi’s voice was low, almost careful of being too loud in my weak state, as if fearing I’d suddenly have a heart attack and die. 

“Hello, Heichou. It’s nice to see you too.” I chuckled.

I squeezed my eyes shut with a numb ache of pain shooting up my back as I pushed myself upwards in a sitting position and turned to look at Levi, who no longer wore his green soldier’s cape. He’d always been a serious man, never letting any one take a look at his feelings and never showing signs of shock or regret. 

There were grey smudges below his eyes and his once piercing, grey stare was watered down into sad softness as he looked at me with a face pale, hollow from exhaustion and the years of struggle and defeat that no longer had to exist. 

He moved towards me with gracefulness, the same he had when flying through the air in his manoeuvre gear. He set up a portable wheelchair that was stored underneath my bed, pushing it open and making sure it was stable with critical eyes. Levi glanced up at me from beneath heavy black bangs, then walked over to my bed as I peeled off the blankets and let him place me in the chair, his fingers sending beams of warmth onto my body where he touched me. 

I sighed as I made myself comfortable in the chair and he began to push my from behind, I opened the door as we rolled into the bright sunlight of the outside world. 

Buildings that had once been damaged were repaired. It might have been my fault, once or twice. Levi pushed my chair through the crowded street, the wheels shuddering as they went over cobbles. The vibrations woke me up more as they weren’t entirely comfortable, but I trusted that Levi would find a better path to walk on eventually. 

The market life around us was more than alive, with stock brimming on tabletops, merchants happily taking money and giving offers, mothers and children rushing around, trying to beat the crowds. 

Unsurprisingly, a few fathers loitered around, looking as bored as anything, hating shopping as much as the next man. These were the men I’d once worked with, ones that had seen the exact same devastation as I had only three months ago, before I’d found the basement. They had been given discharge and were sent home to recover and rest up.

But really, no-one from this lifetime would ever truly recover. 

As Levi and I passed through the streets, some people waved, others nodded their heads. Most of them either ignored us or sneered at us, whispering to each other about things I’m sure I didn’t want to hear. 

With the crowds and market place behind us, we walked over plush grass and it seemed Levi was headed towards a river bank. As we got closer, I could see through bleary eyes that the river was shining, sparkling Armin’s eyes when he told me he’d finally seen the ocean on an expedition. The water flowed languidly, as if it had all the time in the world and basked in the sun, though I knew it’d be cold if I tried to dip a toe in. 

Not that I would, being cold didn’t sound like fun when I was already this weak. In fact, the idea frightened me as I was constantly paranoid that “this would be it, I’d do this and never see the light of day again”. 

Levi left his post from behind me, pressing on the breaks of the wheels with his foot and walked over to roll a large stone from where the grass became taller at the river bank to sit beside me. He silently sat on the rock, watching with the sun shining on his face as the river carried on in front of us with his hands clasped in lap. 

It was peaceful, to quietly sit and watch the world around us with blue skies above us, the river trailing across the land like the walls stretched across the countries we lived in and the warmth of the summer sun encasing us much like a blanket. As though we were wrapped up in bed and this was all a pleasant dream. 

Levi turned to face me, his hooded lids raised slightly to look up at me as I sat in the wheelchair and I returned the gaze. 

“What was the last thing you wanted to do?” he asked me, a heat filled my chest as he drank in the colour of my eyes. 

I smiled at him then looked back to the river, thinking about my answer. After a few moments of watching the water ripple from a leaf falling onto the mirror like surface, I knew what to say.

“I love Armin and Mikasa. I’ve known them both since we were children, lived life alongside them as though they were my siblings and I trained with them for several years so we could join the Survey Scouts.” 

I laughed softly. “Of course, I wanted them both to go to the Military police where they’d both be safe, but they insisted on joining me and following me around wherever I went so I wouldn’t mess everything up and end up killing myself. They did a pretty good job of that, they saved my sorry ass far too many times than I’ll ever want to admit. They’re such good and amazing people, so they’ll go far in life.”

“I love my mother and father. They raised me, a child sent straight from hell with the devil’s temper and a hot mouth that burned everyone I spoke to. I’m always going back to our house in my dreams, remembering every corner of our cottage, the birds that father caught and hung over the window and how mother folded my clothes, scolding me for messing them up when I moved them off the kitchen table. I miss them, of course. They were too good to deserve to die the way they did and I’ve…I’ve always blamed myself for it.”

“Over the years as a soldier, I fell in love with another important person. They helped me, saved me from near death and managed to encourage my powers rather than kill me because of them. They did sort of scare me at first, but I never resented them and I practically idolized them the way the wall cults praise their walls. They helped me find my basement, they searched through rubble, ordered their men to clean up any mess they found and soon enough, I’d found my old home again with the basement fully intact and safe keeping the antidote in a single box with a container of green liquid.”

“Then, they helped me cure everyone, and even after we discovered through papers that my ancestors had created the titans, as well as the cure they refused to hate me like everybody else. They told me I was brave, a stupid idiot, but still brave.”

“We went beyond the walls together, went as far as we dared to and we saw the ocean together, it was big and blue and tasted like salt and it was so beautiful, especially when the sun set and it changed colour. It better than any picture I’d seen in Armin’s book and all they said was “Not bad”.” 

I chuckled, my voice breaking and cracking as I spoke and my eyes began to sting with tears, but I coughed lightly to get rid of the pressure in my throat and went on.

“And after some time, I realized that I was in love with them. They were cold with others and cleaned surfaces as though they were trying to purify the dirtiness of their childhood. But they confided into me, telling me about how they’d hated the 57th expedition when their friends died right in front of them, and I let them cry while I sat beside them and kept them company. I was touched that they chose me over any body else, but I didn’t want them to cry, so I told them I’d be there with them, and never leave them.” 

I looked at Levi, the tears rolling down my cheeks.

“But I couldn’t keep my promise because Annie came back from her coma, waking up and attempting to kill me. So I changed back into a titan, for the last time and I had to kill her instead. Then, when I lost consciousness and had to have someone cut me out of the skin, I was being held in their arms and I kept apologising, telling them I hadn’t meant to. And then a while later, I found I could barely walk because I was so weak and I found out that I was dying, it was obvious that I was dying and no-one told me that they could help me. Because that was the truth. And now, here I am, close to my time of death and I still love them. And I really hope they find it in themselves to love me too because…”

Levi’s tears spilled onto the grass as he looked at me with bloodshock eyes. His face was contorted in pain, his eyebrows twitching as he frowned and his mouth wavered between breathy gasps.

I turned my body towards him, my hands shaking as I clutched my armrests. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I did this to you, Levi. I’m so sorry. I don’t wanna die, I want to stay here with you and go outside the walls with you and marry you and live together and have children-” 

“What did you want to do, Eren? Tell me.” 

His voice was desperate, unlike anything I’d ever heard from him, unlike even the time he’d told me about how much his team’s death had hurt, how much leaving Petra’s body behind to be crushed under titan feet had killed him entirely and how scared he was to lose everyone before their time. 

It sounded twice as heartbreaking because it felt like a goodbye.

“ I want to kiss the person I love the most, and since I can’t exactly kiss Armin or Mikasa or my parents, it’s gonna have to be that soldier.” I smiled at him guiltily through tears that blurred my vision. 

I expected him to curse at me, scold me, tell me there was no way of that ever happening. Instead, he hesitated in surprise before leaning over to tenderly cup my cheek with soft fingertips, swallowing as he licked his lips and stared into my eyes that was about as watery as his own and placed a chaste kiss on my lips that made me cry even more as I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into him. 

\---

Death was like a dream. I floated out of my body, seeing at my bedside the soldier that I’d seen the ocean with. 

He didn’t cry as I slipped away a day after our shared kiss. He held onto my hand that was probably cold by then and kissed my forehead. With a sigh, he whispered that he loved me and left the tent I was peacefully resting in without a word.

The last thing I felt before I fell asleep above my body was the damp warmth on my forehead.

“I love you too, Levi Heichou.”


End file.
